Abuse Showing Up in Art: Art Disappearing

I had an idea for my next workshop and have to spend an extra amount of time on it--for those not in the class this blog is associated with, I had a paper I was supposed to submit for my nonfiction course but changed directions randomly with a new idea so I need to put it together as best I can.

First, I realized I knew someone who has been through a few traumatic incidents. First, her parents--second, she was abused by a domestic partner. I don't want to get too much in the details since I already mentioned her in the last post and I am respecting her privacy while I wait for her replies.

But I asked her if she does anything creative. And if so, does her trauma show up?

Being the advocate she is for spreading awareness about DV, she responded quickly with some information. I want to include it in a much longer paper.

But something she said stuck out to me.

She hasn't been really creative since the incidents.

I realized that it is also potentially difficult to see trauma manifesting in art as well--because it literally sucks the creativity from the victims. It literally takes away all the things that cause joy: healthy relationships, inner peace, creative function, and, many times, the ability to actually take care of one's self (and so much more).

I used to write for, like, three hours a day minimum. It didn't matter how busy I was or what was going on--I'd find some sort of time to write something. Story ideas, poems, short stories, excerpts of novels I wanted to work on, world-building, and fanfiction (last time I could easily write like this, I was fifteen-sixteen).

Without school, I would've stopped writing entirely after my experience that caused me deep trauma. When semesters are over, I rarely write anything. I usually don't write at all. I stopped free-writing for several years after my experience, I even ran into "writer's block" over and over during my creative writing courses with a teacher I loved and a story idea I had been sitting on for years prior.

I couldn't bring myself to write.

I also stopped drawing. I used to draw all the time--I wanted to learn to draw digitally and to paint better. I have not drawn since my situation occurred. I have several sketchpads full of drawings that have sat forgotten and dusty since 2018.

I have purchased a couple more empty sketchpads and thrown them away. I don't know if I will ever actually draw again. Not for fun for myself, at least. I have become artistic only when I am making a gift for something else or if someone has asked me to help with handwriting (as I do have a subtle sight-drawing talent especially when it comes to script). I only become creative when it comes to my babies--I work at a daycare and I'm always looking at Pinterest and painting them.

I rarely come up with my own artistic ideas anymore.

And now I'm faced with another pathway to explore, another dilemma. How can I really find trauma in art when many times the trauma has taken away the artistic ability?